Inspired by this crap, I decided to have some fun for valentine cards this year. Here's what school kids will find in their envelopes today:

What good is a Valentines Week of Love without some talk about love-making right? This won't be out of hand, I promise. But first, a story about my sweet and GIANT (and by giant I mean 6feet1inch) little sister, Niki.

So in case you're new here, Mrs. Olsen plus her family are Mormons. That means your goal is to marry in the temple, which is a clean and holy place. And a peaceful place too. To marry there, you have to meet several faithful requirements, one of which is to not be a fornicator. God does love a virtuous woman, this I know. Which means that sex is a wonderful and scary mystery to the average virginal Mormon girl getting married for the first time.

For most people who think that lives on TV are standard, this (being a virginal Mormon girl) is NOT normal.

So my little giant sister Niki, bless her little heart, has left her western landscape where Mormon Culture was prevalent, and is now standing out amongst the heathens of the East. *wink*

Which means that Niki, who already stands out like a sore thumb because of her freakish height, is now standing out because she is young, a wife, and has more than 2 kids (East Coast Standard). Her hubs is in a medical residency, and is just about the ONLY guy that is NOT single, and definitely the only one that has kids.

A fellow resident recently gets married, and Niki and her husband arrive at a get-together to meet and greet the doctor and his new wife. When the new bride meets Niki, who is funny and friendly (and honest...bless her little heart), they start talking about how the wedding was. This led to talk of the new bride's amazing and extravagant honeymoon all through Europe.

So get this, this is my brave sister honestly confronting these rare missionary opportunities denied her in the west:

"Yeah, our honeymoon wasn't that awesome. We were supposed to go to a cabin but that didn't work out, so we just drove to Boise, Idaho. But we are Mormons ya know? So we hadn't had sex before we got married so it didn't really matter where we went cause we hardly left the hotel anyway. (Laugh)"

Pause.

Silence.

Upper-Crust East Coaster says NOTHING, looks at my sister like she's a freak and walks away.

Can I just say that she is putting herself out there and is ready to answer your questions about her religion! I LOVE HER. Boise, Idaho? For real? And since I'm injecting myself into this conversation, here's Mrs. Olsen giving upper-cruster a beeeech-slap for not having a sense of humor...or respect.

Well, my sister is right. You get married and hardly leave the hotel room during your honeymoon and you figure things out without the stupid Sex in the City girlfriends sharing tips and one-upping each other in the bedroom. You are alone, you and your spouse, and you learn to:

*share bank accounts
*plan meals
*go to church together
*share dreams
*work jobs to achieve dreams
*go to school without your folks paying rent anymore
*learn love languages
*pray together
*stop taking road trips cause you have bills to pay
*get a purpose
*support
*sacrifice
*serve

and when you aren't UNITED in the above department, how is it you can UNITE physically without a sort of spiritual schizophrenia?

SEX is the ultimate symbol of a united life in the financial, health, religious, parenting, retirement planning, working, building a home, and loving a family department.

I don't say this to ostracize those that live differently from me and my weird little sister. People are still beautiful, even if fornicators. And little sisters far from home, raising 3 kids and supporting a husband who works 90+ hours a week, going to parties and telling it like it is...will ALWAYS be beautiful to me.

With Love,
Mrs. Olsen

Back in 1999, I changed my name to Mrs. Olsen and started a new life with The Mister of the House. Like most college-aged newlyweds, we started out our life with a good many gifts, but lacked major assets that made our living nomadic and even sparse. I entered the arrangement, like most newlyweds, with the mission to buy things, make things, and acquire things to eventually fill up our house and home.

This week I want to blog about love, and lovely things. As a tribute to last year's kissing fest, I posted a slideshow for your viewing pleasure at the top of the blog. I'll keep it up a week so enjoy it while you can!

These "articulated dolls" are from seller Wool and Water. I love how simple, old school, and detailed they are.

Start with this, and a few included brads, and for just $10 bucks...


...you have this timeless valentine!



You scrapbook fools could add a pink background to the goth couple, and they would transform easily from Halloween into Cupid's Dream



One more Etsy shop embodies Mrs. Olsen's desperate love of the open road, wind in the hair, blaring radio tunes, and adventure. Etsy shop triesteprusso has cultivated custom map mounts to commemorate adventures you have had on the road. If my bleeding aching heart ever ever ever gets back to the Oregon Coast, then this is the token reminder for that trip.

*Ahem* Mister of the House? If you're reading this....map mounts are for future trips only.



And here's your Oregon trip with its buddies here:



Love from,
Mrs. Olsen

Over Christmas I sold some movies to a friend's of a friend's mom. Cute lady. In her 50's. Something like 9 kids and already a Grandma. As we made our transaction she giggled that: I have that same goose on my porch. We must be women with the same taste!

Dang Valentine's outfits are only included in the upgraded wardrobe plan from Granny Shop. I'm not that desperate at least. We will bide our time with a scarf and cap thankyouverymuch.

Still eating salad every day, but it's taking me a week and a half to document one week of doing so. I could drive the final nail in my blog's coffin if I decided to write every stinkin' day about salad. I think highlighting a week every once in a while will suffice. Besides, if I am eating greens every day in 2010...I have plenty of time. Still going strong!

We have totally rumbly bumbly boy action at my house, as the next couple of pictures will attest.



We flew to the blue planet, green planet, yellow, red, and purple (my favorite). Thanks for the ride boys.



Most Sundays will be a feast with The Mister's family. Here's the greens that I'm not guaranteeing took up half the plate on Sunday.

Last Friday we were invited to dinner by our neighbors, Mike and Sara. The invite came late in the afternoon, after breakfast and lunch, and I found myself having NOT eaten my salad for the day. I would soon tempt my fate of asking a green salad to squeeze Chicken Tikka Masala off my plate. What would you do?

Here is my confession. I got the tikka masala recipe from Sara. She's married to Mike the Happy Italian. Just about everything Sara cooks for us, I have to get the recipe per my husband's insistence and my taste buds. But as a testament to a woman and her kitchen, and the subsequent alternate universe created there, her tikka masala and my tikka masala taste a little different from each other. Both are delicious!

So back to salad. When at first you can't contain it (your self control for amazing food)..cup it!

That is why I brought a huge stack of romaine leaves to dinner. My rice and spicy, creamy, delicious tikka masala sauce was portioned beautifully, and I finished it with petite peas on the top. A reversed double stack of leaves meant that I could set it down and it wouldn't roll off to the side and spill it's divine nectar onto the plate. Then I would have to use a utensil of all things, and if there's anything a lettuce cup is good for, it's to eat utensil free.



Romaine cups are also good and giving you false sense of willpower when you dribble a little rice and sauce instead of creating a mountain on your plate. I'm so healthy I had 3 lettuce cups that night. Aaahhh!

Thanks for dinner Sara and Mike the Happy Italian.

Lesson learned: eat your greens early! I didn't get a salad for breakfast or lunch, and decided I would make one for dinner. Then The Mister of the House came home he carried a flat box in the shape of a large square. Inside was a food Don Draper hasn't heard of.

Long story to that picture that I love love love.